This post is a long time in the making. Do I make a "blog post" about it? Do I continue to keep it bottled inside? Do I share this, our most precious struggle, the struggle that has brought me to and from and to God again? I have been trying to think about how to write this and have written and rewritten this so many times.
For those who have not experienced this, it's the most significant part of our life. And, it has been for 2 years. Yes, you read that right, we've been struggling with this for 2 years. It may seem silly to some that this would impact our lives in every aspect, but the fact remains, it does. When Miss E was born, we were so overwhelmed with the love that we suddenly had for her, we knew that we wanted her to have siblings. We've had that on our hearts and minds since she was born (okay, maybe not the first six weeks but pretty close). This is our calling. We never thought we would be going through this as it only took us 6 months to conceive her and that was with one month being a miscarriage!
Fast forward to now, and we don't have any siblings for her. Not one. That is why it's called secondary infertility. When you already have a child or children but then have a problem or problems that cause infertility, it's called secondary infertility. But it's not due to a lack of trying though.
This desire has consumed our lives. Yes, consumed. Are we happy for others who are having kids all the while we are struggling for more? Yes. However, we still hurt. We ache. We want it so much. Not just for ourselves, but for Miss E.
Fact remains, infertility sucks. Period. It's as blunt as that. It doesn't matter when it happens, whether you're still trying for your first baby or trying to get a second, third, fourth, or sixth baby. It just plain sucks.
Fertility issues can be from either the mother or the father. The mother may have endometriosis, a blocked fallopian tube, eggs that have matured beyond her age, not produce the hormones to allow a baby to implant, or she may have an inhospitable uterus. The list goes on and on. The father may not have the proper motility for the sperm to go where they need to be, or the sperm may not be shaped properly, or he may not have any sperm at all! The point is, it doesn't matter which category or multiple categories you fall into, it hurts to know that you're trying everything you can in order to have the most precious of all gifts, a beautiful baby.
This is a huge emotional, painful journey. I found a website that best described it in my opinion, "The pain is similar to the grief over losing a loved one, but it is unique because it is a recurring grief." Here is the website that I have been frequenting that has helped tremendously through this struggle.
I write this post to give an insight to all we have been going through and are currently going through on top of what has already been posted. Please know I do not mean to hurt anyone in writing this. I am unsure as to where this journey will end but am asking for your prayers during this time.
PS...Here is a good insight on infertility etiquette. Please feel free to pass this on to others who may be struggling in a similar way. Many thanks.